First two verses of "You don't want to know" by Loudon Wainwright (I won't post the whole lot in case the boss gets done for copyright violation!), written in late 1980s when the coldest temperature in UK of -26 Centigrade was recorded somewhere out west.
It was colder than a witches t*t, colder than a polar bear's nose,
Colder than the shoulder of my old flame, colder than hell ever knows,
Not quite as cold as you think it is, when the wind chill factors blow,
But Centigrade and Fahrenheit it felt way below zero.
The electric duvet was cranked way up to 10, and the gas fires were on full blast,
When I get the bills from both those boards, I don't know if the money will last,
I was fully clothed in my entire wardrobe but I still couldn't feel my toes,
The flat pipes burst and we had another first, the water in the toilet bowl froze.
Pubs open soon.
