Guest 664- Registered: 23 Mar 2008
- Posts: 1,039
6 January 2011
09:4487868"Whilst we do not want to suffocate free debate and freedom of speech we will not stand for any abuse of this forum. Users that post solely to tarnish the good name of<>, launch thinly veiled attacks .. or make personal remarks to other forum users will not be tolerated and will have their forum privileges removed."
The above is a quote taken directly from the forum posting guidelines of another forum I use, anonymised and abridged as indicated.
Discuss with relevance to this forum.
Guest 698- Registered: 28 May 2010
- Posts: 8,664
6 January 2011
09:5087869Let's hope they win or draw on Saturday, Andrew!
I'm an optimist. But I'm an optimist who takes my raincoat - Harold Wilson
Guest 649- Registered: 12 Mar 2008
- Posts: 14,118
6 January 2011
09:5987870Mr Stucken you are right in what you say,and it does happen to myself at times,but as I said before if you put yourself in the firing line you will get shot at,+also we must take in the feeling of the person who is doing that kind of posting,if they are feeling very a very strong emotion ,that can cause a outburst of anger, and later on when they calm down ,and read it again ,they will be saying to them selfs wish I had not said that. Even myself feel that way at times after some of the posts I get.
Guest 698- Registered: 28 May 2010
- Posts: 8,664
6 January 2011
10:1087871There is no doubt that many of the nastier posts are alcohol-fuelled and made late at night. Perhaps, PaulB, you could provide a 'poster's remorse' button to instantly remove any such posts the next morning?
PG.
I'm an optimist. But I'm an optimist who takes my raincoat - Harold Wilson
Guest 640- Registered: 21 Apr 2007
- Posts: 7,819
6 January 2011
10:3187872Obviously we get very concerned about posts that are of an offensive nature. And we do keep them to a minimum where we can, I think the limited membership idea has helped as no one can post abusive stuff anonymously anymore.
Sometimes the posts you make can read differently when you look back at them several hours later. it doesnt make the point you were intending, but you often dont notice at the time. I think we all do things like that including myself only the other day.
The essential factor should be that taking part is a relatively pleasant experience for all the members. We do get political argy bargy but hopefully its within the accepted norm.
Guest 703- Registered: 30 Jul 2010
- Posts: 2,096
6 January 2011
11:0487874Hard to keep everyone happy as we have different views, one person's abuse is another's friendly banter.
And without some lively discussion there's be no point in joining in.
Jan Higgins
- Location: Dover
- Registered: 5 Jul 2010
- Posts: 13,895
6 January 2011
15:0587899Since I joined I can only remember a handfull of posts that were out of order and they were addressed to Vic, I believe the person in question is no longer a member.
The vast majority of posts are friendly banter or petty squabbling that can be ignored or replied to. Please remember the best of friends can fall out for a short time, also it helps to have a sense of humour on this or any other forum.
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I try to be neutral and polite but it is hard and getting even more difficult at times.
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Guest 649- Registered: 12 Mar 2008
- Posts: 14,118
6 January 2011
15:3387902Mrs Higgins is right on this one we need to keep a senes of humour. But just now and then it gets out of hands ,but Paul is good and after a few words it is put right.
howard mcsweeney1- Location: Dover
- Registered: 12 Mar 2008
- Posts: 62,352
6 January 2011
18:2587926ray sums it up for me in post 6, you will not get universal agreement on what is an attack or what is banter.
Ross Miller
- Location: London Road, Dover
- Registered: 17 Sep 2008
- Posts: 3,707
6 January 2011
18:4687937Ah but ...
Surely it is the perception of the complainant that is the only important thing, is it not?
Those of us not on the receiving end really are not in a position to comment as to whether a statement is or is not perceived to be abusive.
The process surely should be for Paul and/or Howard to understand how the post made the complainant feel and on the basis of that make a judgement on whether it was genuinely abusive or not.
"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today." - James Dean
"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
While loving someone deeply gives you courage" - Laozi
Guest 664- Registered: 23 Mar 2008
- Posts: 1,039
6 January 2011
19:0887943Thankyou, Ross - at last someone gets my point.
In my opinion it crossed a line the other day. Paul and I already have had discussions on it and I respect his point of view but on reflection I wanted to say something after all. I posted the guidelines from the local football club's forum as a typical example of how other forums deal with personal comments and/or abuse.
It disappoints me sometimes that people have to get personal when issues of a non-personal nature are under discussion. I don't agree that one man's personal abuse is another man''s banter. It is not at all unusual on the internet for the cynical and disingenuous to use the "it's only banter" figleaf, or word salad with phrases like "I would say so and so. but etc etc" when the meaning and spirit of the post is all too clear. It seems one or two forum members opportunistically take advantage of someone being attacked and join in so the little doggies have their bit. Abuse is abuse is abuse - and no-one should have to tolerate global condemnations of their character or comments about personal friendships that are totally irrelevant to the point, as happened to me the other day. What is more, these people don't even know me - and Jan, if you did, you would know that I have a keen sense of humour. Sorry, but playing the 'sense of humour' card was again disingenuous. As for being 'easily upset,' I know the reason behind your remark is because of a post I made many months ago questioning the work ethic of some Dovorians. It clearly upset you - for which I apologise. But is there any need to wait around and join n an ambush months later, one that few if any forum members had the backbone to directly challenge? Perhaps a bit of a pack mentality prevails? people just want to side with the majority it seems. I have the impression some members use the forum merely to co0urt popularity or do a bit of sniping rather than get their teeth into a real debate - fair enough if that's what they want to do, and don't get abusive.
Let's not be so naive as to pretend that there is no aggressive intent behind some comments - which, let's not forget, are there for the world and his wife to read and can be damaging and humiliating as well as unfair and inaccurate.
I am not prepared to tolerate the kind of remarks aimed at my way a coupe of days ago and nor should anyone else.
I was annoyed at being accused of being "verbose" as it was not even accurate and I wonder whether the person concerned really understood what "verbosity" means. As someone who writes for a living I find it pretty annoying; rather like telling a professional footballer he cannot kick a ball. I pride myself on saying things concisely. It's a bit of sad world if a little colourful writing is to be expunged - and that was my reward for posting in support of a small business, not attacking an individual in any way! in any case the Edit function exists if someone has second thoughts about what they have written.
Anyway I am certainly not going to keep exposing myself to personal remarks and abuse that are of no relevance. As it stands, anyone can say pretty much what they like about other forumites and they just have t put up with it.
Some intelligent and thoughtful members have already been lost - I will see how things go but I don;t need days like Tuesday with people queuing up to have a pop . I am not a politician and don;t agree that you should have to put up with anything that comes your way online.
howard mcsweeney1- Location: Dover
- Registered: 12 Mar 2008
- Posts: 62,352
6 January 2011
19:2787949the problem here is that some people are more sensitive than others, once a post is deleted after they complained they may well try to get any post they did not like deleted.
on the other hand there are posters that get attacked quite regularly that never complain.
if paul deleted all the posts that he has been asked to,the forum would be bereft of posts.
when i look at the stuff on facebook and twitter and other forums i reach the conclusion that this one is still one of the cleanest.
yesterday on twitter an aldershot player that got booed by the fans when he was susbsitiuted, tweeted that "i hope you all die"!!
we have never had anything approaching that on this forum.
Keith Sansum1
- Location: london
- Registered: 25 Aug 2010
- Posts: 23,942
6 January 2011
19:3387951andrew
in my ignorance im honest enough to say didnt even know what the word meant
so didnt get involved.
as one whos -got used to the personal abuse i think paulb has a hard job
i let most things go over my head
and just give my view and post if i want
if i dont wont as iv said on a recwent hread on pcso's
to personal
ALL POSTS ARE MY OWN PERSONAL VIEWS
Jan Higgins- Location: Dover
- Registered: 5 Jul 2010
- Posts: 13,895
6 January 2011
22:0587969Andrew, on the thread that you mention in post #11 your reply to my post that meant I thought you were sensitive, you replied to the effect that I was catty. I did not bother to reply which is usually the best thing to do with a rather childish reply but am doing so now.
Therefore I think you have double standards and if this post upsets you as well in my opinion that is too bad.
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I try to be neutral and polite but it is hard and getting even more difficult at times.
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howard mcsweeney1- Location: Dover
- Registered: 12 Mar 2008
- Posts: 62,352
6 January 2011
22:1887972that seems to confirm that we all see posts differently jan, sometimes best to shrug our shoulders and get on with the serious things in life.
Jan Higgins- Location: Dover
- Registered: 5 Jul 2010
- Posts: 13,895
6 January 2011
22:2887974Exactly Howard, I thought the one word reply of "miaow" was not worth the trouble of posting, there is no point in getting upset over what to me was a childish remark.
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I try to be neutral and polite but it is hard and getting even more difficult at times.
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Guest 640- Registered: 21 Apr 2007
- Posts: 7,819
7 January 2011
08:3487988I thought the miaow thing was quite mild..but then I thought being called verbose was quite mild as well. Ive been called lots of stuff over the years, as doing this kind of job hasnt endeared me to too many, so maybe I am a tad more immune I dont know.
But I think overall we have a fair balance. It isnt possible at all at all to quell every single possibility of potential hurt. Its not possible.
However yes indeed Ross is right above there. If an individual complains we do take note and take it seriously and if the complaints are justified and perpetuated we do take action.
One other thing, we have eliminated nasty anonymous attacks on people though..which used to be a real problem in the past.
Guest 649- Registered: 12 Mar 2008
- Posts: 14,118
7 January 2011
09:2787993I have been on the other end at times,and I did complaint about one of them. The forum acted on it.And that was the end of it.I am happy in the way they deal with it. Thank You. Also I have my own way of dealing with it.
7 January 2011
09:5787996My view is that the presence of moderators means we all have access to a second opinion if we feel attacked, and that second opinion is objective. It is easy to feel wounded if there is a bit of a dig, and taking that step back to allow a less subjective view is helpful, and that isn't meant to reduce to personalised effect that Ross mentioned - clearly it is how one feels that is the indicator and the second opinion is the failsafe. I have to agree, though, that being called verbose would be a mild jibe - there are some days when I would feel relieved if that was the worst thing said to me! And it would appear that the responses to the perceived jibes have been just as unhelpful.
We all fall out from time to time - this spat washed over me a bit, but then I have been a little pre-occupied - but Howard is right, this forum is one of the friendliest and best moderated that I know of and there are accessible ways to achieve justice and harmony. It isn't an easy job to do, and on the whole it seems to work well here.
Guest 664- Registered: 23 Mar 2008
- Posts: 1,039
7 January 2011
10:2787998Actually Jan, I thought my reply was quite mild as well. you are the one being childish, and it is ludicrous to say I have double standards. Quite frankly your post did not even deserve a one word reply. Catty (and totally gratuitous) is a pretty fair summation of it. You obviously just couldn't resist joining in the little ambush and being pretty disingenuous about it too.
Anyway, I have had an unsolicited e-mail today from a former forum member thanking me for my honesty and common ssnse, saying they wish there were more like me on the forum. It makes it all worthwhile.
Edit: If you read what I said Bern, it was more the personal stuff that I thought had no place on this forum. it looked like a couple of people just taking the chance to have a dig over some personal gripe that I don't even fully understand. Kath's comment doesn't fall into that category although are you surprised that a professional journalist would find that kind of remark a red rag to a bull? I am entitled to defend myself if someone attacks me unfairly. As someone whose mantra is "words hurt" maybe you also have a gripe with me because of past disagreements we have had?
If i wanted to I could bring up plenty of personal stuff, but it is not relevant to this forum and no-one else's business.
