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    I can visualise the conversation in Downing Street: "Why would you give gongs to the real commoners? Shouldn't we just keep the for ourselves and distribute them to our mates?"

    Sir Establishment Figure 2: "I didn't even realise that you could get them if you didn't go to my school. Oh...hang on. Give some to those 9 people we want to keep in the Border Force ahead of BREXIT."

    Sir Establishment Figure 3: "Okay. I'll get 9 extra ones made."

    Sir Establishment Figure 2: "Oh...also, don't forget Grenfell."

    Sir Establishment Figure 3: "Don't be ridiculous. We don't do posthumous gongs. Joyce Grenfell died yonks back."

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