A Local Christmas Poem
- Jan Higgins
- Location: Dover
- Registered: 5 Jul 2010
- Posts: 13,895
23 November 2013 18:34253425This poem is from a regular reader who is a real wordsmith.
Christmas lights shine brightly in Dover's Market Square,
The townspeople turn out, they've got to be there,
Snowflakes are falling the cold weather's increasing,
As some poor Dovorians have to turn off their heating.
Cold bones tonight do not matter, festive spirit takes over,
Alison Burton and fragrant Gordon both here, but so far are sober,
With iPad grasped firmly Gordon relishes the thought,
Of the jolly for his cronies the Taxpayer's bought.
The lights are switched on, first refreshments and later a dance,
Then Smoked Salmon from Scotland and Champagne from France,
Whilst Terry Nunn looks forward to his festive meal of Corned Beef,
Keeping warm with his family with a candle.......Good grief!
Fiat Lux has planned a feast of prime meat chunks in gravy, with veg,
Him and his cat will keep themselves warm by burning the hedge,
This at time when council tax rises show the councillor's folly,
Whilst with our hard earned money the ex postie delivers their jolly.
The band plays for Carole as Keith Bibby arrives with his Immigrant dancer,
What's that sound I hear, bells, Rudolph, Dasher, Dancer and Prancer?
The Brewers dray swiftly enters the square carrying Mc Sweeney and Farage,
Closely followed behind, Victoria, Amanda and BP1 in a pink carriage.
BP1 poses with large hat and a rose in her teeth,
Vic Matcham yells out, "she's wearing nothing beneath!"
Neil Wiggins, always the gent, throws her his coat,
She turns on him fiercely and goes for his throat.
Shortsighted she misses and bites Allison's dog, making it squeal,
The Town Clerk is livid and and her harpic doth steal,
BT1 rants loudly and sets snarling Bern free,
The town Clerk runs in fear and climbs up the tree.
Next comes the raffle' "which is just a waste,"
Says Brian Dixon, king of cut and paste,
The numbers are called, it's green number ten,
Roger Walkden shouts out "fix, draw it again!"
Carole Barber said,"can't not protocol,"
Alternative said, "rowlocks, go dig a hole.
The next ticket drawn Jan H was so pleased,
It was one that had won her a selection of cheese,
She eagerly opened the pack carefree and merry,
There was cheddar and Stilton, "OH NO and Cranberry!"
She liked the first two but hated the latter,
The curses she uttered made, her friend, Naughty 29 scatter!
Heike List's stall giving free food was one of the hits,
As was Kath Hollingsbee with her wonderful tips,
Barrie from Wales sent best wishes in Gaelic humour,
Saying the reason he left Dover was an unfounded rumour.
Dave arrived with Ross on a decorated bike made for two,
With balloons filled with hot air by Eleanor from the Zoo,
Cllr Watkins spouting old chestnuts his policies boasting,
"We've passed nothing this year, you're in for a roasting!"
The loos were open, seats decorated with holly,
Standing room only as sittings a folly,
Hot water was provided and also a towel,
A really good treat then suddenly a yell!
Lesley Hives, otherwise known as Honey or itch,
Didn't see the holly and then swore at the Witch,
The one from the council whose broomstick was left,
In the hole in the ground her landing had cleft
The highlight of the evening was both forum choirs singing,
Carols for Christmas just as the church bells were ringing,
Alexander said, "peace on earth goodwill to all men gets our backing,"
Reg Hansell shouted shrilly,"we don't count those that are Fracking."
The festival ended the Market Square was deserted and free,
They forgot Alison Burton was still trapped up the tree,
"Never mind her," said the nice Carole Barber,
When Christmas is over, the trees for the Harbour!
(Lesley, from the author.......Hives was me using a bit of licence to enable the use of Honey ( bee hive ) and itching ( skin problem) association of words...........)-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I try to be neutral and polite but it is hard and getting even more difficult at times.
------------------------------------------------------------------- - 23 November 2013 19:07253426Brilliant ! So well observed.
I don't mind in the least being called Honey and as for "itch" I'm known for getting under your skin!! - 23 November 2013 19:11253427First time I've ever been described as "nice". The author obviously doesn't know me. Strange how well informed someone from "The Other Forum" knows so much about us all
- 23 November 2013 19:17253428I and my Doverlocals alter ego were both overlooked. I shall go and sulk .I'm an optimist. But I'm an optimist who takes my raincoat - Harold Wilson
- 23 November 2013 19:25253429You're obviously not nice enough
- 23 November 2013 19:25253430the answer is easy carole, chris's forum members devotedly follow this forum so that they can have something to talk about.
maybe one day they will forge an identity of their own? - 23 November 2013 19:44253433this is brilliant :D
Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud. Maya Angelou ☺🌈🌄🌌🌏🌍🌎 - Jan Higgins
- Location: Dover
- Registered: 5 Jul 2010
- Posts: 13,895
23 November 2013 19:50253435Lesley i am sure the author will appreciate your comment.
Carole the author reguarly reads this forum.
Peter, please do not sulk, maybe you should join in again.
Howard, I thought better of you than that snide remark.
Heike, glad you like it.-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I try to be neutral and polite but it is hard and getting even more difficult at times.
------------------------------------------------------------------- - 23 November 2013 20:05253436Snide remark! having read some of the bile aimed towards this forum on DL and never challenged by you Jan I think Howards remark is very tame.Audere est facere.
- 23 November 2013 20:15253437exactly martin though to give jan her due she digs at us under her real name unlike chris, sarah charlie and the man/woman that wrote the poem.
- 23 November 2013 20:54253442I didn't get much of a write up either Howard. Shame on you for not acting as a grown up towards Jan who I'm sure was just as amused as others with a sense of humour were!
I suspect that this was written with a tongue planted firmly in the writers cheek! Much of it, I note, has been written in less eloquent terms on both forums but the end product remains the same....a light hearted skit at ourselves as we put the Town to rights!
It's Christmas, for pity's sake don't try to rewrite the book....it wasn't set in Dover.
- 23 November 2013 20:56253443Martin P wrote:Snide remark! having read some of the bile aimed towards this forum on DL and never challenged by you Jan I think Howards remark is very tame.
Hillock with a P? Get a life!
- 23 November 2013 21:07253444Hillock with a P? Get a life!
Insults are the language of the defeated.
I win then ?
Audere est facere. - 23 November 2013 21:25253448Martin P wrote:Hillock with a P? Get a life!
Insults are the language of the defeated.
I win then ?
No! One all!
- 23 November 2013 21:32253450looks like martin and amanda are an item now, i shall have to go out and buy a hat for the impending nuptials.
one has to be prepared doesn't one? - 23 November 2013 22:24253458Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud. Maya Angelou ☺🌈🌄🌌🌏🌍🌎
- Brian Dixon
- Location: Dover
- Registered: 23 Sep 2008
- Posts: 23,940
24 November 2013 06:43253484oh deep joy,the person who penned the poem needs sticking on the top of the xmas tree,with the pointy bit stuck up there back passage.
- 24 November 2013 07:56253486My comments were made with tongue firmly in cheek as I regularly read DL. Some of the posts are hilarious as my favourite form of wit is sarcasm
Now let's all guess at PG's alter ego as I see "Pablo" hasn't posted for quite a while on there. I suspected he might have morphed into "Victoria M" but I am having doubts. and I don't see why Jan should be expected to challenge bile aimed at DF. - 24 November 2013 09:18253511"and I don't see why Jan should be expected to challenge bile aimed at DF" nor do I but I am puzzled why she joins in with criticism of this forum while on DL ( even though she is a part of this forum) yet leaps to the defence of DL so quickly on here? all seems very disloyal to DF but heyAudere est facere.
- Bob Whysman
- Registered: 23 Aug 2013
- Posts: 1,938
24 November 2013 13:40253548[QUOTE="howard mcsweeney1"]the answer is easy carole, chris's forum members devotedly follow this forum so that they can have something to talk about.
[URL[B]]maybe one day they will forge an identity of their own?[/[/B][/URL]QUOTE]
It looks like they have done so already Howard.
Being a newbie, I'm not sure what all the fuss is about; surely there is room for two forums, especially as they seem to be so different in their vision of life.
After reading the recent comments on here I was curious and looked on the Dover Locals and was pleasantly surprised.
The Christmas photo's on there were especially stunning which makes me suspect that there is a professional at work and as for the other threads content, makes me suspect that they are quite a young and vibrant crew. Perhaps therein lies the difference?
Got to mention the poem as many others have in various ways......not my forte but I must confess to being amused by the humour it portrayed especially the association of Nigel Farage and you in the dray.
Both liking a beer I was aware of, but until then didn't realise that you were a UKIP sympathiser. That probably explains why this forum seems to have quite a heavy political bias I suppose.
I think I'll stick with this one though as you seem to attract all the female talent on here!Do nothing and nothing happens.
