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    Genuine job advert from Rapido Model Trains:


    We are in the process of opening up our UK limited company and we are looking for an operations manager. This is a manager, right? Who's in charge of operations, right? Hence the name...

    If you are the right person for this job, you have experience in the following areas:

    Managing operations for a small- to medium-sized business
    Bookkeeping or basic accounting
    Hating people who use apostrophes incorrectly
    Logistics, such as warehousing and packing/posting of parcels
    Banking, as in using a bank and not "going up an incline"
    Actually, being able to go up an incline is an asset.
    Managing a small team
    Being extremely organised and managing your time efficaciously
    Knowing what efficaciously means
    Customer service and putting out fires (not literal fires, but it is helpful if you could put those out too in case we ever make a Class 28)
    Starring as Doctor Who on television, provided you also have experience managing operations for a small- to medium-sized business

    If you have experience in the following areas, you need not apply:

    Always - or even occasionally - or even once - referring to yourself as "one" like some toffee-nosed twit
    Volunteering to be a crash test dummy
    Being the CEO of a £100 million company (you are overqualified)
    Routinely - and successfully - performing brain surgery (you are qualified, but in the wrong field)
    "Role playing" as an arsonist but accidentally burning down buildings for real
    Stealing stuff
    Lying, cheating, murdering and pillaging

    We have to say that we are an "equal opportunity" employer. If you refer to yourself as "one" in the interview, we will absolutely consider you fairly and then absolutely not hire you.

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