16 September 2009
23:1729029#1
I found this online and just had to post it for you guys to enjoy. It's absolutely BRILLIANT! I hope you enjoy it as much as I did....
THIS IS LABOUR GOVERNMENT
REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
THE END
------------------------------------------------------------------------
LABOUR GOVERNMENT THE UK VERSION
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.
The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.
The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so, while others have plenty.
The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house. The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi-cultural choir singing 'We shall overcome'.
Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel got rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his 'fair share' and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London .
In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.
The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work. The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.
Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain 's apparent love of dogs.
The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to return them to their own country were abandoned, because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards.
A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshoppers' drug 'illness'.
The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK .
The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him.. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.
A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and state the obvious, is set up. Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for
grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The government praises the asylum-seeking cats for enriching Britain 's multicultural diversity, and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.
The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a government minister.
The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom .
The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover losses. Their taxes are increased to pay for law and order, and they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds.
THE END
Guest 655- Registered: 13 Mar 2008
- Posts: 10,247
17 September 2009
07:5129038#2
Yes Rick that is briliant. It summarises a Labour Government to a T....
Guest 653- Registered: 13 Mar 2008
- Posts: 10,540
17 September 2009
08:2429043#3
Love it, it would be funny if it wasn't so close to home.
This is what's wrong with our Country - most sensible people will see the real story, but how many will accept it ?
Thanks Rick
Roger
Guest 671- Registered: 4 May 2008
- Posts: 2,095
17 September 2009
09:0529044#4
What short memories you have, 30 years ago the Tory government was stockpiling mountains of coal to beat the miners, while it pensioners died of hypothermia in their own homes. Not a joke.
"My New Year's Resolution, is to try and emulate Marek's level of chilled out, thoughtfulness and humour towards other forumites and not lose my decorum"
Guest 640- Registered: 21 Apr 2007
- Posts: 7,819
17 September 2009
10:5529046#5
Yes that is brilliant - really enjoyed it and so true. BUt -yes there is always a BUT...but, what on earth do you do with the Grasshoppers of this world. You cant just let them starve, you cant just abandon them. No government knows how to fix this. They huff and puff but know not what to do. Remember a fifth of the population are not in steady employment right now...some, like the guy featured on the BBC news this week, he has worked steadily since 1983, and now his family is near destitution because he lost his job. What do you do with guys like him??
DT1- Location: Dover
- Registered: 15 Apr 2008
- Posts: 1,116
17 September 2009
10:5629047#6
Yes very good, this story really exposes the inequality between squirrels and grasshoppers. I think the grasshopper would be quite stupid laying up supplies for a period when he will be dead!
It's a shame that everyone isn't born a squirrel....and a red squirrel at that, none of these grey foreign types.
Guest 688- Registered: 16 Jul 2009
- Posts: 268
17 September 2009
12:2529050#7
It's Interesting that the depth and breadth of this recession has sudenly made the next election very sexy(media speak).The middle class have suddenly been shaken out of their complacency and have become engaged In real politics.Who holds the vision for Britain (If there Is still one )over the next decade, a slightly pink left or a still In my opinion a very shakey right.Or are we witnessing the end of the political consensus that has been In operation since the discrediting of the Thatcherite "I am alright Jack" policies of the Eighties
Guest 671- Registered: 4 May 2008
- Posts: 2,095
17 September 2009
18:2329073#8
Erm yes, point taken, perhaps I should lighten up a little and get a better sense of humour, sometimes I don't see these threads in the way they were intended, my apologies.
"My New Year's Resolution, is to try and emulate Marek's level of chilled out, thoughtfulness and humour towards other forumites and not lose my decorum"
Guest 653- Registered: 13 Mar 2008
- Posts: 10,540
18 September 2009
07:2229110#9
It's a pity that not everyone has the attitude of the squirrel.
This (squirrel and grasshopper) analogy was made years ago (at least 30 odd) about the whites and blacks in Africa.
It is true that some people work hard, are productive and save for the future and are useful members of society; there are also others who are lazy, don't want to work and expect everyone else to help them; but - and it is a big but, there are also people who cannot work for a number of reasons, but would love to, or who cannot earn enough to support themselves and their fasmily, who cannot save because they have no work or enough money and it is these vulnerable people who shouldn't be classed as the grasshoppers and who do need help, real help.
It's like the third way; there are also the third kind of people: people who work, save and are productive; people who are lazy, won't work and are non-productive and those who can't work, or can't earn enough money and these genuine people, need genuine help, not the scivers and lazy people.
Separating them is the difficult bit for Governments.
Roger
Guest 655- Registered: 13 Mar 2008
- Posts: 10,247
18 September 2009
10:4429126#10
DT1 - you are assuming that a grasshopper knows about his own mortality!
The fact is that there are people who do make provision for themeselves and their families and those who can afford to and dont. The latter deserve no sympathy when they fall on hard times and the State should only provide a very basic safety net.
Guest 645- Registered: 12 Mar 2008
- Posts: 4,463
18 September 2009
19:5429151#11
BarryW
You're all heart.I'm doing a production of a Christmas Carol...do you fancy the role of Scrooge. "Are there no poor houses..."
Marek
I think therefore I am (not a Tory supporter)
Guest 655- Registered: 13 Mar 2008
- Posts: 10,247
18 September 2009
20:1529152#12
So Marek - you think the taxpayers should be generous to the feckless then.
Guest 653- Registered: 13 Mar 2008
- Posts: 10,540
19 September 2009
06:5629155#13
Millions, if not billions could be saved if we were able to differentiate between the feckless and the needy.
Currently, benefits are open to so many people who shouldn't be getting them. I am not and never have been, saying that all people on benefits should have their money cut, but so many are scivers, layabouts and benefit cheats that these have to be sent back to work; benefits are, or should be, for genuine cases of hardship and need; they should be a hand-up towards a better life and independance - from the State, not a hand-out to continue their lazy life-style.
In some cases, certain benefits, pensions too of course, could be increased and could afford to be increased, if we weren't so feckless in throwing money at those least entitled to it.
Roger
19 September 2009
08:4329160#14
Firstly, can I point out that as an Irishwoman, the term feckless has mulitple meanings....
Secondly: particularly in times of rising unemployment there is a serious risk of people genuinely unable to find work being tarred with the same brush as those who are unwilling to find work, which can be tragic. I wholly support a benefits system - any civilised society must make provision for people who are vulnerable or dispossessed and can be judged on how those people are treated. However, it has to be balanced with the demand that people also take responsibility for their lives. It is a balancing act. The manner in which people receiving social support are viewed, spoken about and treated can impact on the vulnerable: I have worked with elders who refuse to claim their entitlements despite having massively earned them, and then some, because they feel ashamed, and part of the reason they feel ashamed is the bigoted language and attitude towards those who claim.
Guest 640- Registered: 21 Apr 2007
- Posts: 7,819
19 September 2009
09:0829163#15
Well said Bern.. sums up the current situation very well. The grasshoppers will always survive because the problem authorities have is..well is in seperating the real claimant from the unreal claimant...an age old problem. And of course the real claimant can be traumatised by the prospect of being tarred with that ugly sponger brush. There is probably too much made of the sponger aspect of all this.
Brian Dixon
- Location: Dover
- Registered: 23 Sep 2008
- Posts: 23,940
19 September 2009
10:2029164#16
spot on bern totaly agree with you.the other thing about the elderly is that they either to proud or ill informed or both.
Guest 645- Registered: 12 Mar 2008
- Posts: 4,463
19 September 2009
11:0029167#17
May I add my support to Berns posting above. Over here one can only claim any type of benefit after you have completed at least 6 months in employment.So basically a traveller arriving in Jersey just can't go to the local dole office and expect a handout,as is the case in Dover where people travel from all over the UK to Dover, and get their money by the seaside.
The benefits system is an integeral part of our society but needs an overhaul. I could go on about stopping child benefits to parents earning over £50k,a back to work payment instead of dole money ie so you can continue to receive a top-up benefit payment once back at work therefore making it financially more attractive to go back to work without losing all your housing and council tax relief payments.
Less stigma attached to benefit payments could be avoided by maybe home visits for the elderly or less abled etc.
Marek
I think therefore I am (not a Tory supporter)
Guest 683- Registered: 11 Feb 2009
- Posts: 1,052
19 September 2009
12:0529173#18
Another analogy could be of the grey squirrel as a very effective, ruthless entrepreneur who effectively eliminates the domestic competition (the red squirrel). By stacking his acquisitions so that only he can access them he survives and prospers probably at the expense of several other species. If his supply of nuts diminishes he will be off to another area to begin the process all over again. Sounds like the non-dom, multinational leaders to me!
Mark
Brian Dixon- Location: Dover
- Registered: 23 Sep 2008
- Posts: 23,940
19 September 2009
17:5329184#19
the continental works quite well,they start at full rate then decreases every 6 months or so untill either they get work [job] or no money.easy choise.
