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If we're getting onto humour then how's this little bunch....
If you see an amputee being hanged should you start shouting out letters?
The rising price of petrol doesn't bother me, I only ever put a tenner in anyway.
Do orphans watch PG movies?
I was eating my tea this evening when I realised just how out of date the milk must be.
I opened my bin today and a wasp flew out. What sick scumbag goes around dumping wasps in bins?
I'd hate to work in the Job Centre. If you got fired you'd still have to go in the next day.
I see that the Koran is now available to download. If anyone wants one on CD, I don't mind burning a few copies.
A very wise woman once said... nothing.
I hate jokes that rely on visual imagery to make their point. I've had it right up to here with them.
I accidentally upset a Muslim by asking him if Mohammed was his Christian name. Oops!
Eskimos have over 100 words for "snow". Well, imagine how crap I Spy would be otherwise!
Last time I tripped on mushrooms, I sued the Asda cleaning lady.
Tony Blair has admitted he was once a borderline alcoholic. Imagine the feeling waking up hungover, realising you've invaded Iraq.
Do women shake the petrol pump after filling up or is it just a man thing?
My cousin lives in an area so posh the people with Tourette's run round the streets shouting, "Fornicate! Fornicate!"
Help teach kids how the government works by simply taking all their sweets off them and telling them to **** off.
My favourite pick-up line: "Pick that up".
My wife complained "the hot water's cold". So, it's cold water then?
I mistook the Popemobile for an ice cream van today. I only realised my mistake when I read "wouldn't mind that child" written on the back.
When I was older, I used to love playing around with time machines.
I don't believe in democracy, and neither do you.
Recent studies have found that chloroform has been in existence since at least 9 months BC.
When I'm bored I like to play a game with my deaf wife whilst she is hoovering. I unplug it and time how long it takes her to notice.
Catch it, bin it, kill it. No Mary, not the cat...