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Light relief from the Guardian...............
Osborne: Sorry to bother you when you're on hols, old boy ...
Cameron: Don't worry about it, Ozzy. I'm bored down here in Cornwall. Two years ago there were photographers following me everywhere. This time round there was just one agency bloke to snap Sam not talking to me in the pub. Anyway, enough about me, how are things your end? Glad to see you managed to stay out of that photo with Harry in Vegas. I guess you must have been a bit tied up ...
Osborne: Very funny, Cams. Thing is, I've had a number of people asking whether we're going to give back the £400k that Asil Nadir donated to the Tory party now that he's been convicted ...
Cameron: It's an awfully bad line. The mobile reception is terrible in this neck of the woods ... Anything else?
Osborne: Just the opinion polls.
Cameron: That's better! You're as clear as a bell now.
Osborne: Everyone hates me and thinks I'm doing a terrible job.
Cameron: Oh, stop feeling sorry for yourself. You're exaggerating terribly. It's only about half the population that thinks you're the most incompetent chancellor the country has ever had. Under the circumstances, I'd say that was a result.
Osborne: It's always good to chat to you, Cams. You've such an incisive brain ... But you do promise that you're not going to reshuffle me, don't you?
Cameron: How many times? Stop being so bloody paranoid. Of course I'm not going to reshuffle you! If I did, the punters might start to question whether I knew what I was doing with the economy. Besides, I can't think of anyone in the cabinet who would do any better. None of us has a clue what's going on.
Osborne: And you're definitely not going to promote any Lib Dems ...
Cameron: Good God no! Certainly not to anything important. The one good thing to come out of the coalition is that the Lib Dems are finished for ever and I intend to make sure it stays that way.
Clegg: Hello everyone! Remember me?
Everyone: Summer's over.
Clegg: I'm going to ask Daddy to tax the rich lots and lots.
Everyone: Is this guy terminally stupid?
Cameron: Yes.
Tim Yeo: Are you a man or a mouse?
Cameron: Squeak!