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Scientists discover new element
Oxford University researchers have discovered the heaviest element yet known
to science. Called Governmentium (symbol=Gv), it has one neutron,
25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons,
giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact.
A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take
less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but
instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each
reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that
Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This
hypothetical quantity is referred to as a critical morass. When catalysed
with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol=Ad), an element
that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as
many pillocks but twice as many morons.
