Guest 655- Registered: 13 Mar 2008
- Posts: 10,247
I had this important public information through by email, thought I had better pass it on.
ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE - BREAKING NEWS......................
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bl**dy Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bl**dy Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "P1ssed Off" to "Let's get the B*st*rds." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
Guest 683- Registered: 11 Feb 2009
- Posts: 1,052
Jan Higgins
- Location: Dover
- Registered: 5 Jul 2010
- Posts: 13,888
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I try to be neutral and polite but it is hard and getting even more difficult at times.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Guest 710- Registered: 28 Feb 2011
- Posts: 6,950
Well done Barry.
The Americans Jan?
They, quite by accident, discovered that there is profit in fighting wars as there is in supplying both sides, but staying out. How fortunate this discovery was for it goes a long way to nullifying their shame for being 'late' most of the time.
Their threat levels are few:
1-"You lookin' at me??"
2- "You feelin' lucky PUNK??"
3- "Next!"
There would have been more levels, but alas as with we British 'X' marks the spot is about all our respective 'citizenry' are thought capable of, so before anybody knows different, "Next" is all that's heard.
[the first two levels are much more the norm for daily life]
Ignorance is bliss, bliss is happiness, I am happy...to draw your attention to the possible connectivity in the foregoing.
