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    Earlier in my married days we inherited a tortoise and after he failed to come out of hibernation one spring we found out his family history went back 90 years. He spent his life trying to escape banging his shell against the fence trying to gauge a weakness and digging holes then sleeping over them at night in order to hide his activities. Eventually he did get free and some **** threw him back onto the rockery breaking his carapace. Took him to a vet expecting the worst but his shell was repaired with Bostik and he had a vitamin jab up his khyber which gave him a new lease of life.

    We were told to keep him indoors for a month which he spent testing the skirting boards and wall units. Like Andy's Millipede he had a great defence as tortoises hold their urine for months on end and release when they don't like being picked up as I found out to my cost - 3 wash cycles for my clothes.

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