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    Well, what a choice we've got: A Tory who's grown bored of the job and is looking for the best way up the party ladder. A Labour candidate who isn't even the first choice, merely a sop to the feminist cause. A Liberal who runs a sweet shop and who will be so busy objecting to everything, there'll be nothing left to stand for and finally, Mr (or Mrs) X representing UKIP, a party whose one publicly stated policy overshadows their best policy, that of Defence, which is barely mentioned.

    What an absolute shower of guano - we're the first constituency in Britain and this is the quality of prospective MP that we attract.

    God help us all....

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