Guest 640- Registered: 21 Apr 2007
- Posts: 7,819
After much navel gazing and soul searching we have decided to drop the Jokes Page from our setup. Its had a good run and was very popular with nearly 60,000 viewers and many many hilarious jokes. So with some reluctance we now let it go.
This joke tickled my recent fancy...hilarious, as were many others.
the following from Steve Power in the USA..
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How to wash a cat.
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl...
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. At this point the cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying
this!
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'Power-Wash' and 'Rinse'.
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand well back, behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.
Yours Sincerely
The Dog
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But the page has often been controversial because of some of its content. It even went national one time, with national newspaper and TV coverage, but for all the wrong reasons. These are very politically correct times and offensive or near offensive material doesnt wash out there in the real world anymore. We see people lose jobs across the spectrum in these stricter times for saying the wrong thing.
We have had various problems with some of its content and some problems quite recently too. Even the harmless Irish pic at the top of the page, and me being Irish I didnt find anything wrong with it, is not acceptable anymore. The Jokes Page can still be seen in All Recent Features but will eventually slip away as it cannot be added to.
Members can tell Jokes in the Forum with no problem..but obviously no racial or offensive material.
Guest 683- Registered: 11 Feb 2009
- Posts: 1,052
Oh! I thought Barry's Blog was going!!!
(Sorry, Barry!)
howard mcsweeney1- Location: Dover
- Registered: 12 Mar 2008
- Posts: 62,352
i suppose a swan song is called for here.
3 gentlemalepersons, 1 from london, i from edinburgh and 1 from dublin go into a smoke free pub environment.
the vertically challenged barperson enquires as to what they would like to drink.
maybe someone could finish this for me?
Brian Dixon
- Location: Dover
- Registered: 23 Sep 2008
- Posts: 23,940
to finish howards joke.
"can we have 3 pints of heavy and a ashtray please."
Guest 710- Registered: 28 Feb 2011
- Posts: 6,950
...deep fried ashtray. Surely.
Ignorance is bliss, bliss is happiness, I am happy...to draw your attention to the possible connectivity in the foregoing.
Are you drooping this for fear of upsetting are friends from the EU and other countries.
howard mcsweeney1- Location: Dover
- Registered: 12 Mar 2008
- Posts: 62,352
doubt it alan, most complaints seem to emanate from our indigenous population.
we have seen so many instances where what starts out as a joke has major repercussions, much safer to dump the thing.
i know that paul has thought long and hard about doing so as there have been some really funny stuff on there.
Guest 698- Registered: 28 May 2010
- Posts: 8,664
Would it be politically OK to post jokes against the English?
I'm an optimist. But I'm an optimist who takes my raincoat - Harold Wilson
Off course we are the first to laugh about ourself s my wife wakes up each morning takes one look at me and starts laughing, a joke is a bit of fun no matter who its aimed at if we cant laugh any more then a very sad world this is going to be. if its not already.
Brian Dixon- Location: Dover
- Registered: 23 Sep 2008
- Posts: 23,940
alan,no comment on that.
Keith Sansum1
- Location: london
- Registered: 25 Aug 2010
- Posts: 23,942
sad to see the jokes page go, mr husk and others produced some real good ones
alan your correct we should all have a laugh, but not to the extent of offence
which sometimes it intentionally or unintetionally reaches
ALL POSTS ARE MY OWN PERSONAL VIEWS
Guest 698- Registered: 28 May 2010
- Posts: 8,664
Does it mean I can't post the joke about exploding prayer mats?
I'm an optimist. But I'm an optimist who takes my raincoat - Harold Wilson
Dear God.......
I use the term advisedly.
Bob Whysman
- Registered: 23 Aug 2013
- Posts: 1,938
There should be a swan song for this thread...so here goes:
Your Swan is Dead:
A woman brought a very limp swan into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said; "I'm sorry, your swan (Gertrude) has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed; "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. The swan is dead." replied the vet.
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on her or anything. She might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around, and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the swan's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table, and sniffed the swan from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.
A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said; "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead swan."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The swan's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£150!" she cried; "£150 just to tell me my swan is dead!?"
The vet shrugged; "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but.....with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £150.
Do nothing and nothing happens.
Guest 698- Registered: 28 May 2010
- Posts: 8,664
That reminds me of the story about the chap who was up in court accused of shooting a golden eagle. He swore blind that he had been aiming at a pigeon and hit the eagle by accident. So adamant was he in his defence that the magistrates accepted his plea and dismissed the case.
The chairman of the bench then asked him what he had done with the dead eagle. The man explained that he had cooked and eaten it, after all it was dead anyway and it would have been a waste to throw it away.
'What did it taste like?' asked the magistrate.
'Quite similar to swan' came the reply.
I'm an optimist. But I'm an optimist who takes my raincoat - Harold Wilson