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A pirate walked into a bar, and the barman said....
" Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible. "
" What do you mean? " said the pirate, "I feel fine."
" What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before. "
" Well ," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
The barman replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"
The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really."
" What about that eye patch? "
" Oh, " said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them pooped in my eye."
"
" It was my first day with the hook. "