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  Church Ladies With Typewriters
  
  They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
  
  The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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  The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
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  Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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  Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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  Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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  For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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  Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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  Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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  A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
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  At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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  Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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  Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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  Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
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  The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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  Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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  The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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  This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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  The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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  Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
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  The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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  Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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  The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.

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