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  Some of you will have seen the story in The Mercury that a passing tourist has spotted a large dangerous cat prowling the local hills. This of course is very worrying as one doesnt want to be eaten by a ravenous cat while out for an engaging canter across the grassy green slopes.
  
  I called up my old colleague Dick Dover to see if he had heard or seen anything.
  
  "Well its funny you should mention that PB" said Dick
  
  "Only last week while it was still summer, I went up one evening onto the cliffs to catch some of the late warm rays. I stripped down to my boxers, whipped out my Muscadet, French stick, cheese and grapes and I was getting ready to enjoy myself...when suddenly..." Yes said I all agog.
  
  "When suddenly...." went on Dick knowing he had captured my full attention
  
  "When suddenly.. I heard a growling in the bushes behind me." Really said I
  "Really!" said Dick. He went on.
  
  "This was followed by more growling and a terrible rustling noise..and then.." yes said I still agog.
  
  "a roar"
  
  A roar said I beginning to look terrified.
  
  "At that point" said Dick "I grabbed my Muscadet, my cheeses, my grapes, and my big French stick and put them away pronto, as the sun began to sink behind the hedgerow. I got my clothes on then in such a hurry that I caught my hairy bits in my zipper. At which point I let out a roar all my own, and without further ado or stinging, I legged it post haste to my motorised vehicle leaving a trail of debris behind me.
  
  So you didnt see anything? inquired I further.
  
  No said Dick...but I sure heard something...something awful

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