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    NATO are moving into Star Newsagents and using it as a base and safe haven whilst they clear the foothills of Clarendon of SerboCroat dissidents.

    A native of the area who operates under the assumed name of Howie claimed '' residents are fleeing to the tented refugee camps and caravan sites of Margate and Clacton to avoid the troubles. Others are bravely sitting it out at the Malvern''.

    Alex aka 'British' alias 'Dimitri' said that it was'' hell out there and cider supplies were dangerously low and if Aid was not received very soon that he and many others were in serious danger of sobering up and the hangover effect could be far reaching''.

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