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  You are right, though Jeanne. Tis hard when struck by grief. My Dad died in 2008 - on April 1st, which would have tickled him! - and I had to do all the arranging in Ireland. It was easier and less painful to let the undertakers and the priest manage it and just pay up - but in doing so I was very aware that we would - pun intended - be stiffed!! there were extras all over the place, including the cash in hand for the grave diggers and the people who will "help" my Mother tend the grave. That is, in part, the irish way, but it is also part of that buying in thing - we know there will be a price, but for me, thunderstruck with grief, it was worth paying.

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